We are all soldiers in the war of life

fighting battles day by day, through pains and stuggles.

Fighting for our beliefs, our goals, our rights,

skirmishes within the world and within ourselves

it’s what makes us human in the struggle of life.

For if we had nothing to fight for,

what would be the purpose of life?

We would be empty, nothing within our sights.

Life is a war, we all fight to the death,

we may not fight each other, we may even fight ourselves.

Life is a war, an inner battle and out.

Yet, no matter how hard we fight,

no matter what length we attempt to go to,

we must never lose sight

of what we had aimed down our sights.

my fellow followers. It has been quite some time now since my last post. I guess an update is in order. I quit my third job, I am still in college pursuing my mechanical engineering degree and I have found my old group of friends who have largely remained the same though it has been years. Things have been much different lately since the semester started.

It seems that stress has come in waves. Short bursts of stress drowned out in happiness and sometimes by other negative emotions. “tired” is the most used word in my vocabulary as of late because everything is making me tired. And my abs are still hurting from working out. 500 sit ups non stop is a wonderfully painful way to get back in shape slowly. I haven’t danced in so long and I miss it terribly. I miss being in shape and something lately has rekindled my desire to be in shape, fit for once.

Also my love of basketball has been brought back slowly but surely. Playing with the youth at church is really fun and enjoyable and I am learning a lot from when I first started playing until now. I feel very rusty but the trophy in my room reminds me how much I loved and played the game.

Still in the process of looking for a job that will accommodate my religious schedule and my school schedule and also still struggling with the basics of life. Relationships are a whole different story that I will keep to myself until everything is solved and figured out.

My love of words and poetry has also been on my mind lately, how I would sit for hours writing whatever came to mind. I miss that. There are a lot of things I seem to miss… maybe soon will be the time to relive old memories or make new ones. One shall see.

That is my update if you care, if not then go ahead and keep scrolling, I don’t mind.

Thanks for reading!

Sincerely,

       Nikhil

Don’t ask questions to which there is MORE than one answer and one of those answers is something you definitely don’t want to hear. Think before you ask; it works better that way.

Happy new year to all you wonderful people who care about this significant evening. It is a magnificent happening yes, however nothing changes except our age and the date we write on our papers and maybe a few other things.

Yet again, I sit in my own house feeling astranged. Large crowds bother me. I am not given a sense of solace within the confines of my own home on this brand new day in a brand new year. I worked all day, even got in some overtime, yet I returned home to large amounts of food prepared for the gathering which turned into a party. This family lacks an understanding of my being. My essence of humanity. They claim to have basic knowledge of me as a person when even they lack the compassion to provide support for their own assumptions. Angry at me, they are partying their unsatisfactory lives away without any regard as to the damage they have constantly caused me.

It was supposed to be just the family. The closest ones to us, at least that is how I envisioned this truly wonderful evening. Soon shattered to pieces upon the arrival of many unexpected guests, my feeling of contentedness sooner drifted away. Now I lay in my room alone because all my expectations for this evening have failed. Yet my goals for this day remain unchanged, at least the day and not the year. I one day want to see fire works on new years. I want to hold and kiss the one I love as soon as the clock strikes twelve. I know it may not seem like much but those meaningless moments to so many, I cherish so dearly. They keep the fire lit within my spirits and it drives me.

Another year in this life truly is a wonderful blessing. I must say that 2011 was an amazing year, truly all over the place emotionally but I would not stray far to agree with myself that truly this year was the most amazing and cherished year of my short life thus far. 2012 is another year to come and I am sure that it holds within itself, countless trials in life, lessons to be learned, and memories to hold close. I look forward to this glorious year that “the world is supposed to end.” And I look forward to making a difference in the lives of the few people I care about and truly love.

Sincerely,

Nikhil

It has been a pretty long time since I was last on here, and so much has changed in my life. Definitely for the better. I found my faith, I found amazing people who truly care about me, I passed this semester with all A’s and I found a new and better job. All blessings from God no doubt. Not just those things but the war in Iraq was officially declared over and things are starting to slowly improve despite the ignorance of the mass populace.

I have lost a part of myself that in the last couple of days I’ve been so desperate to find. However, things have been going great but it is something that has been a part of me for years now. I feel like I have lost touch with dancing because work and school consume my life. I am hoping to revitalize this over the break with some much needed practice time. It won’t even be about improving, it will just be about getting back to the basics for me. Hopefully I haven’t lost all that which I worked so hard on for years. It’s crazy how a few days ago my friend’s little sister asked me if i still danced and I wanted to answer yes but I sadly answered that I had no time anymore. That question provoked so much within me and that question was enough to inspire me to chase that dream again of being the best I can be.

Although I have always been commended with good prioritization with my time, I feel like I am missing something which is what I mentioned above. I feel that I always get everything I need done but then there is that void that has remained unfilled since, let’s say, the summer and sadly it’s something that I cannot seem to rid my mind of. Let’s hope this break works for me.

On another note, everything in my life is going really well. There are some major things that could be fixed but in time they will figure themselves out with God’s help. I’ll definitely be needing that. Next semester needs a lot of adjustments. I am tired of this piece of crap education system at Napa which continually denies me as well as hundreds of other students the classes we need for our majors. Slowly wringing us of our money isn’t going to make us happy students, watch for the day we all drop out and the education system goes to hell because we are afraid of all the wrong things and would rather place our money and investments in useless things rather than the things that will make the difference. Let’s just say that this world is corrupted almost beyond repair, almost. It’s time to get started on preparing for a better tomorrow.

There are so many things I could vent or talk about but I think that will be it for tonight. I know it’s been a while since I posted anything. Thanks for reading if you actually took the time to hear me out. Goodnight everyone, pleasant dreams to you all.

I feel so swamped but so blessed at the same time. I need more energy to be able to do everything that I want to do in a day. I mean I get to do a lot of the things I want to do but there isn’t enough time in a day to get everything done. I miss dancing. I miss having more free time but at the same time I am so happy. It’s strange how one can feel this way. It’s like you’re there, but you’re not. I can’t really tell if that makes sense.

I got a second job and that I am so thankful for because I really need more income right now to be able to do the things I want to do but also to buy the things that I want and need. Right now I am at school right now waiting to go into my new job at 2 to sign some forms and other items. I was hoping to be able to session today but we will see if I get that wish or not. If not, there is always next time.

I also have a lot of work to get done so I guess my break is over. I hope you guys understood what I was talking about. If not, I do sincerely apologize. Thanks for reading.

Drowning with the shortness of time,

desperately waiting, it’s been a rough climb

 to the top of this hill yet another awaits.

The challenges keep coming but your will never shakes,

as long as you have the drive, you’ll have what it takes

 to go on. Realize it is the faith to believe

what it takes to go on, what it takes to receive

the blessings from above is the right mindset

that no matter what, you’ll have paid your debt.